Friday, April 1, 2011

The "First Time"

Our latest episode of the “How To Be A Sexpert” podcast talks about “First Times”.

When it comes to sex, the pressure of the first time can cause all kinds of anxiety.   To reduce the stress, it is really important that you feel ready for the experience.  So, before you get into the
heat of the moment, decide if you are ready to become sexually active. 
You might ask yourself, how do I know when I am ready for sex? How do I know what sexual activities I am comfortable with? How will I know what my boundaries are?
The answer to these questions is different for every person.

There is no magical age when a person is ready to have sex and it is a question that may come up repeatedly over the course of someone’s lifetime. Deciding what you feel comfortable doing or “how far” you want to go is a personal choice that you have to make each and every time you become physically or emotionally involved with another person. Having a physical desire to enjoy sexual pleasure is not the same thing as being emotionally prepared for sex with another person.

There is also no rule about how long people should date before getting sexually involved.  As a rule, if you are having doubts, then you are probably not ready for sex with another person at that time.   Only you can decide when you feel ready for sex and what you are comfortable doing. You might be comfortable with certain sexual practices and activities and not with others.

Determine your sexual boundaries before you get involved with a partner and you will be more prepared to have this discussion when you need to. Things may change as your relationship progresses, but thinking about your limits will help to make sure that you don’t give in to peer pressure and end up doing things outside of your comfort zone.

Sex will not always be that “wow” we have always dreamed of, but if you know you are ready to take that step, you feel connected to your partner, and your body is ready, it is much more likely you will have a great experience.
A great resource is a book by Kim Martyn, All the Way: Sex for the First Time.  You can find this, and lots of other great resources at:

Stay tuned … more about the First Time in the next episode of our podcast!